Of Giant Noodles
by ImitationPirateShip
Summary: Well, your favorite pirates are back, getting ready for nothing while Davy Jones confesses that he is....A FISHY HEAD! Jack passes out in the bathroom, sensing that Will said something ghetto, and many more weird unnatural things happen....
1. Go Screw a Bull

_**Me: **Hello everybody!_

_**Monkeys: **ELLO!_

_**Me: **More stuff!_

_**Monkeys: **WOOOOO!!!_

_**Me:** I do not own:_

_Stuff you recognize from somewhere else_

_(Falls into pieces) _

_I'm broke! No money! Wahhhhhhh!!!!!_

_Anyways...enjoy_

_

* * *

_

_Will Turner is sitting at a desk writing out invitations to Jack Sparrow's birthday party, while Elizabeth Swann is standing behind him and threatening to whip him with a giant wet noodle. _

**Elizabeth**- Work, slave! WORK!

**Will- **_(whips around) _I am NOT your slave!

**Elizabeth-** Yeah well, you ate chocolate cuz it was brown! Ooooh, burn, what now?

_(Whips with wet noodle)_

**Will- **That doesn't even hurt!

**Elizabeth- **You want it to hurt!?

**Will- **_(quickly turns around and grabs the nearest envelope) _No! It's OK!

**Elizabeth- **I'm gonna go get myself some Coke. Stay and work slave!

**Will- **_(whines) _But I want Coke!

**Elizabeth- **Too bad!

**Will- **You're so mean!

_Davy Jones pops up_

**Davy- **Wassup ma homey?

**Will- **_(raises eyebrow) _…

**Davy- **Yeah. I decided to go ghetto.

**Will- **Ghetto?

**Davy- **Ya. I make da bomb of ghettoness. Be jealous of my ghettoness ma homey.

**Will- **You have a weird accent.

**Davy- **Ya. I am a fishy head, my homey from another mommy.

**Will- **WTF? And it's _homie._

_Captain Jack Sparrow passes out in the bathroom on the Pearl._

**Jack- **_(Regains consciousness) _Omg! Will turned ghetto!

_Back on the Dutchman_

**Will- **Go away, Davy. I have work to do.

**Davy- **Sea water is fun to play in!

**Will- **Mhm…

_Elizabeth return__s_

**Elizabeth- **Did you finish?

**Will- **_(Hides unfinished cards behind his back) _Yup!

**Elizabeth- **Good!

**Davy- **_(Turns on MP3 player; sings) _THIS IS WHY I'M WET! THIS IS WHY, THIS IS WHY, THIS IS WHY I'M WET! I'M WET CUZ I'M COOL, YOU AIN'T CUZ YOU'RE DRY--!

**Elizabeth- **_(Whips with noodle) _SHUT UP!

**Davy- **_(Whines) _But I like to sing! I sang in the Annie play! _(sings) _THE SUN WILL COME OUT, TOMORROW! BET YE BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROW, THEY'RE BE SUN!

**Will- **They'll

**Davy- **What?

**Will- **They'll be sun.

**Davy- **When?

**Will-**_(Sarcastic) _Yesterday.

**Davy- **But yesterday we had a storm.

**Will- **Go screw your mum.

**Davy- **I can't, cuz my daddy already screwed her already.

**Will- **Go screw a tree.

**Davy- **Can't. Screwed them all.

**Will- **Go screw a cow.

**Davy- **Try again, the cows were screwed by bulls.

**Will- **Go screw a bloody bull!

**Davy- **Oooh, I've never done that before! I'll go do it now! _(Prances away)_

**Elizabeth- **You know, we shouldn't have every let James teach him how to knit…

**Will- **_(Looks up from knitting a purse) _Hey! Knitting is fun!

**Davy- **_(Randomly pops up) _F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER! U IS FOR YOU AND ME! N IS ANYWHERE, ANYTIME AT ALL! DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA!

**Will- **_(Does Spongebob dance) _LALALALALA-LA! LALALALALALA! LALALALALALALA-AH! LALALALALALALA-LALALALA-LAHHHHHHHH! LALA-LALALA-LAAAAAA!

**Elizabeth- **_(Backup singer) _HAHAHAH! HAHAHAHA! LALALALALAAAAAAAA!!!

**Norrington- **Yo. Wassup?

**Davy- **Oh no yah didn't! Yah did not just steal my ghettoness!

**Norrington- **Oh yah! Crabs are sexy! Wooooooooo! Squish banana squishy!

_The Pearl sails up to the Dutchman_

**Jack- **_(yelling) _DROP ANCHOR ON STARBOARD SIDE! TO THE DUTCHMAN YE SCURVY DOGS!

**Gibbs- **AYE AYE CAPTAIN!

_Everyone climbs over on the Dutchman_

**Jack- **_(coming up behind Will) _Ello.

**Elizabeth- **Hello Jack.

**Davy- **Yo, Wassup my nigga?

_Profound silence_

**Elizabeth- **DAVY JONES! HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH LANGUAGE!? GO TO YOUR ROOM!

* * *

**AN: **Cliffie...kind of...weirdness 

REVIEW

If there are enough reviews I might make a second chapter...

I'll see how it goes


	2. Metal Bulls

**I own nothing...and...**

**I LOVE THE LION KING!!!**

**Sorry, coundn't help but screaming it to the world**

**And don't worry Jack _(Pats Jack's shoulder) _I love you too still :D**

**Cuz if I didn't**

**I wouldn't be writing this**

* * *

_Jack, Elizabeth, Will, and Norrington are drinking tea in the Captain's Quarters. Well, Jack is drinking RUM-FLAVORED tea, with extra rum extracts…_

**Jack- **_(Spits out tea) _Aughhhh, this stuff is so gross! It has no natural rum taste!

**Elizabeth- **_(Sips tea quite ladylike) _You don't say…

**Will- **_(Slurps tea) _SLUUUUUUUURP!

**Norrington- **WILLAIM!

**Elizabeth- **JAMES!

**Jack- **ELIZABETH!

**Davy- **_(From in his room) _JACK!

**Elizabeth- **_(Yells at Davy) _SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR SUSHI!

**Norrington- **Yeah…Yo…_(Breaks out in song) _I'M A MAN EATER!!

_Everyone edges away_

**Jack- **Ok then…

_CRASH_

**Jack- **_(GASPS)_

**Will- **_(GASPS)_

**Elizabeth- **_(GASPS)_

**Norrington- **_(GASPS)_

**Davy- **_(From upstairs) _OMG! IT'S A SPIDER!

**Barbossa- **_(Angry) _What the..??? YOU KILLED MY ENTRANCE!

**Davy- **_(From upstairs) _I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT!

**Elizabeth- **DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE, JONES!

_Silence_

**Elizabeth- **_(Sips more tea; chokes; gags) _AAAACH!!!!

**Jack- **_(Jumps up) _WOO-HOO!!!! SHE'S FINALLY DYING!!!!

_Davy appears and does CPR_

**Elizabeth- **_(Looks up at Davy) _My HERO!

**Jack- **Ewww….

**Elizabeth- **WILLIAM! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME!?

**Will- **Well…I…um…I thought…and he….

**Elizabeth- **_(Grabs Noodle and whips Will) _DIE!

**Will- **NEVER!!! _(Runs away)_

**Norrington- **_(Quietly) _It's a small world after all…It's a small world after all….it's a small world after all..it's a small, small world! _(Louder)_Everybody now!

**Pirates- **It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all, it's small, small, world!

**Jack- **_(Opera style; To the tune of __My Sunshine) _IT'S A SMAAAAAAALL WORLLLLLLLDD AFTER ALL!!!! IT'S A—

**Elizabeth- **_(Whacks with Noodle) _MWAHAHAHAH! DIE!

**Jack- **NEVER! _(Runs after Will)_

**Barbossa- **I'm _surrounded _by idiots…

**Jack- **_(Peeks around corner) _You're so weird!

**Barbossa- **You have no idea.

**Will- **_(Comes out of closet) _Hello everybody!

**Pirates- **_(Except Barbossa) _Hello William!

**Will- **LET'S DO THE MACARENA!

_The Macarena song starts playing and everyone lines up in a Conga Line…except Barbossa_

**Barbossa- **_(Hides in corner) _This is so humiliating…

**The Madagascar Lemurs- **I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT! I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT! I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT! WE LIKE TO—!

**Pirates- **MOVE IT!

_The Pirates do a weird imitation of the Conga Line and the Macarena while…dancing with the Lemurs._

**Barbossa- **I'm scarred for life!!! _(Cries)_

**Jack- **Oh come on, it's not that bad!!!

_Jack and Barbossa stare as Will does a womanly shake of the torso… You know….like the one Fiona and Shrek did in the __Far Far Away Idol!_

**Jack- **I take that back…

_Jack and Barbossa now hide in the corner_

**Norrington- **Hey! Let's bring out the metal bull thing they do in the west!!!

_The music changes…_

_It is now that old song thingy where the two people square off in the cowboy hats and boots and their hand pulses and it's all like:_

_DADADA—DADADADA—_

_DADADA—LALALALAA_

_With the whistle…and stuff_

_Yeahhhhhh_

_Anyways:_

**Elizabeth- **Bring it!

_The Lemurs bring out the bull and a cowboy hat_

**Davy- **_(Claps hands onto cheeks) _OMG! THAT'S THE BULL I SCREWED!

_More profound silence_

**Jack- (**_gulps) _This is it…

**Will- **WOOOOO!! PLUG IT IN BABY, PLUG IT IN!!!! _(Jumps on bull and grabs cowboy hat)_

_The Lemurs plug in the bull…_

_It begins to shake and shift and all the crap mechanical bulls do_

**Will- **WOO-HOO!!!! _(Throws cowboy hat into croud)_

**Norrington- **_(Catches it) _OMG!!! I GOT IT!!! _(Dances around)_

**Barbossa- **_(Looks at Jack) _And I thought you were mentally impaled…

**Jack- **That makes no sense!

**Barbossa- **Sure it does, it's just that you HAVE no sense.

**Jack- **_(Sticks out tongue) _No wonder you have no fans!  
**Barbossa- **_(Sticks out tongue farther than Jack's tongue) _EH!

**Jack- **_(Grabs Barbossa's tongue) _HAHA!

**Barbossa- **YEOOOOWWWW!

_Music stops_

**Norrington- **And you thought I was weird…

**Jack- **Yeah well, screw you!

* * *

WOO HOO

3 REVIEWS IN A FEW HOURS

I LOVE EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS

REVIEW

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	3. Do You Know What Hotdogs Are Made Of?

**MORE RANDOM STUFF!!!!**

**I own NOTHING**

* * *

_At Lucky Bowl Bowling Alley_

**Elizabeth- **_(Shakes head) _I can't believe you talked us into this, Jack.

**Jack- **_(Inspects bowling ball) _Yeah, well, I did, cuz I'm handsome like that.

**Norrington- **Yeah well, I'm handsomer!

**Jack- **_(Comes close to Norrington; making sure the bowling ball is over his (Norrington's) foot…)_ Yes….

**Norrington- **I'm the most handsomest pirate in town!

**Jack- **_(Snickers) _And because you're so handsome, all bowling balls are attracted to you _(cough)_ Elizabeth _(Cough) _

**Norrington- **Elizabeth's a bowling ball?

**Jack- **_(Drops ball on Norry's foot) _Shyeah!

**Norrington- **YEOW!!!! _(Hops on one foot)_

**Jack- **_(Turns around)_ Norry has learned to deal with pain….my work here, is done.

**Will- **_(Looks at Norrington, who's busy making out with Jack's bowling ball) _You're just like that monkey in **The Lion **

**King!**

**Norrington- **This ball tastes like show shine!

_The Heavens part and _**The Circle of Life **_starts playing_

**Voice- **It's the circle of life! And it moves us all! Lalalala! Through big and strong.

**Jack- **_(Turns around and sees Elizabeth singing to the circle of life song) _AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

**Norrington- **Mhmmmm….let's go out somewhere special tonight….like McDonalds…or Burger King…or that Diner they have in K Mart…

**Bowling Ball- **Well excuse you! My name is PHILIP!

**Will- **_(Looks down at Norrington) _No wonder you're attracted…

**Jack- **_(Still screaming) _ELIZABETH HAS A MAN VOICE!

**Davy- **_(Comes out in Little Orphan Annie dress) _I'm too sexy for me shirt, too sexy for me shirt, so sexy it hurts!

**Prince Charming- **And I'm a model you know what I mean! I'm gonna shake my little tush—

**Pirates- **AUGHHHHHHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!!

**Prince Charming- **God dammit people! I never get to finish that song! _(Stomps off)_

**Jack- **_(Calls after him) _WE'RE NOT PEOPLE!!! WE'RE _**PIRATES! **_BIG DIFFERENCE!!

**Prince Charming- **_(Calls back) _YEAH WELL, SCREW YOU!

**Jack- **_(Sticks out tongue) _What you gonna do about it? Who should I screw, NORRINGTON?

**Random Slug from ****Flushed Away****- **No! Screw me Jack, I looooooooove you!

**Will- **_(Raises eyebrow) _…

**Jack- **STOP DOING THAT, WILL! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!

**Will- **YEAH, CUZ YOU CAN'T DO IT!

**Jack- **STOP RUBBING IT IN!

**Will- **_(Raises eyebrow ) …_

**Jack- **AUGHHHHH!!! _(Stomps off after Charming)_

**Davy- **I wanna go bowling!

**Barbossa- **HELLO!

**Pirates- **WHO'RE YOU?

**Barbossa- **BARBOSSA!

**Jack-**_(Comes back)_No…doesn't ring a bell.

**Elizabeth- **Yeah…you never talk.

**Will- **This is mostly Jack's and my story.

**Davy- **HEY!

**Elizabeth- **I STARTED IT!

**Jack- **Well, _moi_ perfected it.

**Norrington- **Did not!

**Jack- **Go screw a ball!

**Norrington- **_(Bursts into tears) _I…I…I ATE PHILIP!

**Will- **NO!

**Norrington- **_(Sob) _I'm…I'm…_(Sob)_

**Prince Charming- **NOOOOO!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT HIM!

**Norrington- **But…he was so TASTY!

**Will- **_(Raises eyebrow) _…

**Barbossa- **HELLO!

**Pirates- **WHAT?

**Barbossa- **What do I have to do to _(BEEP; no offensive language allowed, Barbie!) _impress you! _(Stalks away)_

**Will- **GET ME A HOTDOG, WON'T YOU!?

**Barbossa- **WITH WHAT?

**Will- **MUSTARD AND KETCHUP!

**Barbossa- **OK!

**Jack- **Do you know what they're made of?

**Will- **Barbossa?

**Jack- **NO! HOTDOGS!

**Will- **No.

**Jack – **Well, the hotdog people take all the leftover parts of the meat they didn't use in like, ribs and crap, and they mush it all together, chicken, horse, dogs from China or whatever, pig's feet, cows, rooster and chicken with all that red feathery stuff and their feet and they put it in this huge pot and boil it all together! _(Gasp) _Then they melt it all together in a pot until it's all gooey and gross, and the put it in these molds, so they get the pretty hotdoggy shape! So, anyways, the people put them in the molds and they dry, and sometimes rats get in the most and the gooey stuff is the perfect place to go to the bathroom…and in the end, you eat it! Oh, hi Barbie! Will, here's your hotdog!

**Will- **Really?

**Jack- **Cross my heart.

**Will- **Eww…_(Takes hotdog from Davy; bites into it) _And then what happens?

**Pirates- **Ewww…gross!

**Will- **I'm hungry!

**Elizabeth- **Davy, get me some nachos!

**Jack- **I don't think you'd want to eat—

**Elizabeth- **_(Whacks Jack with Noodle) _SHUT UP! I WILL ENJOY MY NACHOS!

**Jack- **_(Covers head) _OW! GOD! WHAT? DO YOU ENJOY CAUSNG ME PAIN WOMAN?????HUH???? DO YOU???

**Elizabeth- **Yeahhhh!

**Norrington- **_(Breaks into song) _I'm bouncin on my toe _(Does ballerina pirouette) _Watch me super soak dat hoe _(Squirts rake with water gun) _I'ma pass it to Arab _(Throws water gun at a guy in Arab) _Then he gon crank it up for sholl

**Elizabeth- **_(Man voice) _Sholl….  
**Norrington- **Haterz wanna be me, Soulja Boy, I'm the man

**Jack- **_(cough) _WO-man _(Cough)_  
**Norrington- **They be lookin at my neck, sayin' it's the Rubberband man..

**Elizabeth- **_(Man voice) _Man…man….

**Norrington- **Watch me do…watch me do…

**Barbossa- **_(Creeps up behind Norrington; whacks with frying pan) _Ooooh, burn!

**Norrington- **_(Woozy)_I see a light!

**Jack- **GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT NORRY! GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!!

**Norrington- **STUPID LIGHT! I WANT PINK LIGHT! PINK NOT YELLOW!!!! _(Pouts)_That's it…going home!

**Jack- **_(Falls on knees) _NOOOOOOOO! GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!

**Norrington- **_(Goes back to full-consciousness; sing-song voice) _I'm BAAAA-AAAACK!

**Jack- **Noooooo! _(Sniffs) _

**Bowling Guy Manager- **THE BOWLING IS CLOSED!

_The guy rounds up the pirates with a lasso_

**Norrington- **BUT I DIDN'T EVEN BOWL!

_The guy slams the bowling place doors in their faces._

**Davy- **YEAH WELL, YOU'RE BOWLING SUCKS! _(Makes scary Dutchmanny face)_

**Jack- **Yeah!

* * *

**review for a cookie :D**


	4. Will's Face is Fly

_Jack and Will are sitting on a bench waiting for the taxi._

**Jack- **This is wrong. We look gay.

**Will- **_(Singing along to Cyclone by Baby Bash) _She moves her body like a cyclone, and she makes me wanna do it all night long! Going hard when they turn the spotlights on! 'Cuz she moves her body like a cyclone, a might cy-clone!

**Random Passerby- **_(To his girlfriend) _Look, we really need to move away. There are so many gay couples here.

**Will- **_(Looks up) _Oh yes, sir, we're very happy!

**Jack- **_(Slaps Will) _No dum-dum! He means we're homosexual!

**Will-** HEY! I'M MARRIED TO A WOMAN!

**Jack- **My point exactly.

**Davy- **BOO!

**Jack**** & Will- **AUGHHHHH!!!

**Davy- **Ha! I've got my brains back!

**Jack- **But…you…but…OMG!

**Norry- **OMG! MY WIG! CATCH THAT WIG!

_Norry's wig bounces by, whistling "Amazing Grace"_

**Will- **That wig tried to eat me yesterday.

**Davy- **Aye, he tried to eat me too.

**Norry- **HE ATE MY HEAD!

**Jack- **He ate your brain, your head's still there, as ugly as ever.

**Norry- **BUT I USED MASCARA!

**Jack- **From where?

**Norry- **That's easy! I stole it from Ja—oops. Nobody heard that.

_Norry runs away._

**Jack- **NORRINGTON!

_Jack runs after Norry. _

**Will-** You know, Jack needs to learn to control his anger. It's unhealthy.

**Davy- **Aye, aye. We should send him to Dr. Bob.

**Will-** Don't you mean Dr. Phil?

**Davy- **No! I mean Dr. Bob!

**Will- **Is he any good?

**Davy- **He helped me find my brain.

**Will- **TO DR.BOB!

**Davy- **We need to catch Jack first.

**Will- **I think Jack's Emo.

**Davy- **Jack is not Emo!

**Will- **I went to this birthday party yesterday, and the girl had a dog named Jack, and Jack was all like, hitting on me.

**Davy- **You went to Natalie's yesterday?? Why didn't she invite me?

**Will- **You're too old. We pushed TyBot into the closet, and we threw Natalie in there, and they knocked the hook off her wall…

**Random Audience- **Oooooo! TyBot and Natalie!

**Will- **So…yeah.

**Davy- **Anyways, we need to find Jack.

**Will- **The homosexual dog?

**Davy- **No Dumbo! Sparrow!

**Will- **So…we're going to find a sparrow named Jack?

**Davy- **NO! We're gonna go find a guy NAMED Jack Sparrow!

**Will- **I know a guy named Jack Sparrow!

**Davy- **Yeah…sure you do.

**Will- **I do! He's a pirate! And he wears a bandana!

**Davy- **At the end of AWE you wore a bandana too!

**Will- **But Jack looks better in his.

**Davy- **How did we get into this discussion?

**Will- **Well, Jack ran after Norry, and then we wanted to send him to Dr. Bob's—

**Davy- **Never mind.

**Elizabeth- **_(From indoors) _JACK! JAMES! WILL! DAVY! TIME FOR DINNER!

**Will- **Why is Jack first?

**Jack- **_(Out of nowhere) _CUZ I CRANK DAT SOULJA BOY!

**Norry- **HAH! OMG, I KNOW HOW TO DANCE THAT SONG!!

_Norry starts dancing Crank Dat Soulja Boy: Crazy Chicken Remix style._

**Norry- **WATCH ME SUPA SOAK DAT HOE!

**Elizabeth- **James, go eat your dinner.

**Norry-** AND I'LL—

**Elizabeth- **NOW!

**Norry- **Yes, ma'am!

**Elizabeth- **Good boy.

_At the table_

**Will- **Mmmm, this McDonald's food sure is good.

**Davy- **Yeah, you're such a good cook, Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth- **Why thank you.

**Jack- **It's McDonald's. She didn't MAKE it.

**Norry- **It was delivered.

**Jack- **I refuse to take sides with Norrington. I agree, Davy. This MsDonald's food is delicious, Lizzie.

**Will- **Her name is Elizabeth.

**Jack- **And my name is Captain Jack Sparrow.

**Elizabeth- **Jack, eat your fries.

**Jack- **Next time, can we eat out?

**Norry- **I need to go to Wal Mart. I like so need new wig powder.

**Will- **You used it up already?

**Norry- **Yes. A mighty commodore like me needs to keep in perfection at all times.

**Davy- **You are such a flirt, Norry.

**Norry- **Yes, the ladies can't resist me. _(Pulls up sock to his knee)_

**Jack- **Oh, yeah they can.

**Norry- **You're just jealous cuz the fangirls like me better.

**Jack- **The CREATOR of the bloody STORY worships me.

**Norry- **Maybe she just feels bad for you!

**Oreo7735- **Shut up Norrington! I don't even LIKE you. If it were up to me, I'd throw you out of this story, but you're wig is saving your sorry ass.

**Pirates- **Ooooh, burn Norry.

**Elizabeth- **Why does everyone call him Norry? Everyone else gets called by their first name, why doesn't he?

**Jack- **We call Barbossa "Barbossa".

**Elizabeth- **Whatever happed to him?

**Barbossa- **Right here.

**Jack- **_(Not noticing) _I don't know. Maybe he died. And went to hell.

**Will- **He will go to hell.

**Jack- **Yeah, everyone who killed a person goes to hell.

**Will- **No.

**Jack- **FOOLED YOU!

**Will- **You will so go to hell.

**Jack- **I will not! I'm too fly for hell.

**Will- **Like my face.

**Jack- **Your face is not fly!

**Will-** It's unimaginably sexy.

**Norry- **YEAH IT IS! WOOT!

**Pirates- **Awkward…


	5. Let's Burn Him at the Stake!

Jack- Let's go fishing!

**Davy- **HEY!

**Jack**- Please? It'll be fun! We can go clam-fishing!

**Will- **Clam fishing?

**Jack- **NO! CLAM-FISHING! WITH A DASHY LINE!

**Elizabeth- **It's called a dash!

**Jack- **I don't care!

**Davy- **_(Whines) _But I don't want to go fishing!

**Norry- **We can fish for Davy!

**Davy- **LIZZIE!

**Elizabeth- **JAC—

**Jack- **HEY!

**Elizabeth- **Wow…James is misbehaving! And Jack is…is… NOT GUILTY!

**Pirates- **_(Except Jack) _OMG!

**Jack- **I'm not that bad!

**James- **_(bursts into tears) _I'M SORRY! I'LL NEVER BE MEAN AGAIN! _(Runs away)_

**Jack- **So...shall we go fishing?

**Davy- **I don't wanna go fishing!

**Jack- **WHO CARES WHAT YOU SAY!? YOU'RE BLOODY DEAD!

**Davy- **_(Sniffs) _Jack, that hurt me right here. _(Places hand on heart)_

**Jack- **_(Looks at Dead Man's Chest) _Too bad it's not in your actual body.

**Davy- **_(Bursts into tears) _WAHHHHHHH!!!! _(Runs after Norrington) _

**Jack- **So..it's just us three.

**Barbossa- **WHAT ABOUT ME?

**Jack- **WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME? HUH? WHY!?

**Barbossa- **I'm not stal—

**Jack- **STALKER! SECURITY!

**Bob the Security ****Guy- **What is it _this _time, Mr. Sparrow? Did the pizza guy ask to try on your hat again?

_Pirates snicker_

**Will- **Talk about over-reacting…

**Jack- **MY HAT IS SPECIAL!

**Will- **Haha…Wacko Jacko.

**Elizabeth- **_(Bursts out laughing) _WACKO JACKO!?

**Jack- **That's not funny!

**Will- **_(Falls on floor) _JACKO IS WACKO!

**Barbossa- **Hehe…Wacko Jacko…

**Jack- **SHUT UP BARBIE!

_Barbossa shuts up._

**Jack- **THAT'S IT! WE ARE SO GOING FISHING!

**Barbossa- **Wait…YOU REMEBERED MY NAME!

**Pirates- **_(Sarcastic) _Thanks a lot Jack!

**Barbossa- **It was all a joke?

**Will- **Well, duh.

**Elizabeth- **Aww…don't take it personally, Hector.

**Barbossa- **I QUIT! _(leaves) _

**Jack- **Can he just leave like that?

**Will- **Well, he just _did. _

**Norry- **Lonely…I am so lonely…I have nobody! I'm on my own!

**Jack- **Fascinating.

**Norry- **I know.

**Jack- **_(Claps hands) _Ok! Let's go fishing!

**Elizabeth- **I am NOT walking to the lake! I just got new shoes!

**Will- **Then put on your old ones!

_Barbossa gets dragged back in by security guards. _

**Elizabeth- **I—I—I ATE THEM!

**Jack- **You…ate your shoes?

**Elizabeth- **Mmm…shoes taste good!

**Jack- **Go fall of a ledge and die.

**Barbossa- **_You _go fall off a ledge and die!

**Jack- **Why don't _YOU!?_

**Barbossa- **BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO!

**Jack- **THE WE'LL BURN YOU AT THE SKATE!

**Barbossa- **I'M NOT A WITCH!

**Jack- **PROVE IT!

**Barbossa- **_(Grabs pants) _DO YOU WANT ME TOO?

**Jack- **NO!

**Elizabeth- **LET'S START AN ANGRY MOB!

**Jack- **GET YER PITCHFORKS!

**Will- **AND FLAMING TORCHES!

**Norry- **AND PINK BUNNY RABBITS FULL OF LOVE!

**Barbossa- **NOOOOOOO! NOT THE BUNNY RABBITS!

**Elizabeth- **_(Ties Barbossa with a rope) _Hmmm…we should roast him!

**Jack- **He's old! He's not gonna taste good!

**Will- **Then we'll order older Pizza Hut and eat it as we watch him burn!

**Pirates- **YAY!

**Jack- **Just as long as the delivery guy stays away from me hat. _(Pets hat lovingly) _


	6. Of Random Fluff

**I don't own anything...like Halo...or Jack...or Jane**

**

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**

**Jack- **This sucks, _(Chews pizza) _It has no cheese! 

_A chicken walks in through the door. _

**Chicken- **Bwack!

**Jack- **First I saw crabs that looked like rocks, now it's chickens! What's next? Pink bunnies full of love!?

**Norry- **HEY! THE BUNNIES HAVE FEELINGS!

**Will- **I'm bored.

**Jack- **You're always bored.

**Will- **I know.

**Davy- **Hey! I know what we can do! Let's play Spin the Bottle!

**Pirates- **YAY!

**Elizabeth- **I don't know if that's such a good idea…

**Jack- **Why not?

**Norry- **AND AFTER THAT WE CAN PLAY 3 MINUTES IN HEAVEN!

**Pirates- **Three?

**Norry- **3!

**Jack- **It's 7 Minutes in Heaven!

**Norry- **No! I have nyctophobia!

**Jack- **Nyco what?

**Norry- **Not nyco! Nyctophobia!

**Davy- **_(Grins) _It means he's afraid of the dark…Hehe….

**Jack- **Oooolala, Norry and Davy need some male bonding time….

**Will- **_(Sarcastic) _That's a very good idea. We should go in the closet too.

**Jack- **I'M SURROUNDED BY PERVERTS!

**Will- **Why do I even bother?

**Jack- **Cuz you're a loser!

**Will- **ELIZABETH! JACK IS BEING MEAN TO ME!

**Elizabeth- **Jack, go scrub a toilet!

**Random Fan Girl- **_(Pulls out plunger) _It can suction your face right off…**(AN: Read 25 Ways to Annoy Jack Sparrow to get that, if you're too lazy skip the next few lines) **

**Jack- **NO! I DON'T WANT TO BREED KRAKENS!

**Jane the Kraken- **Davy! He's anti-Kraken!

**Jack- **Where are all you things coming from?

**Will- **Your mom!

**Jack- **Your freaking son!

**Will- **William III?

**Jack- **Was that his name?

**Will- **I dunno…

**Elizabeth- **Oooo.. about him…I kinda…er…drowned him in a bathtub….

**Jack- **MURDERER!

**Elizabeth- **I was washing him…and he slipped…and he drowned…

**Pirates- **Yeah….

**Norrington- **_(Comes out of closet covered in lip gloss) _Haha…Beckett knows how to get down and dirty…

**Jack- **_(Falls on floor) _BAD MENTAL IMAGE!

**Beckett- (**_Out of closet) _WHO'S NEXT!?

**Norrington- **ME!

**Jack- **Nasty…

**Will- **Oreo, why the hell are you writing this?

**Oreo7735- **SHUT UP! I DON'T KNOW! I'M BORED AND THIS MESSED UP SITE POPPED UP WHILE I WAS DOWNLOADING MUSIC ILLEGALLY!

**Jack- **Illegally?

**Oreo7735- **Shush Jack. It makes the story more interesting.

**Jack- **Yeah…

**Will- **_(Looks around) _Where's Elizabeth?

**Oreo7735- **_(Hopefully) _Maybe she died?

**Davy- **Go away, you're screwing up the story.

**Oreo7735- **Fine, be that way. I need to go and kill those headless zombies in Halo anyways…

**Jack- **The Flood?

**Oreo7735- **Yeah! Just don't tell me how to do it, cuz they're all like "RAWRRAWRRAWR" and then the Halo guy died and I was like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and they shot me with a gun. _(Is depressed) _

**Elizabeth- **_(Out of closet) _Ooooooh, yeah!

**Oreo7735- **I'm out!

**Jack- **Right behind you!

**Oreo7735- **No! Cuz you're the main character!

**Jack- **BUT I CAN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD!

**Will- **Don't go suicidal on me.

**Norry- **_(Sings) _You're way to beautiful girls, lalalalala lala, you must be suicidal, suicidal, to say it's over..

**Jack- **_(Sings; Looks at pictures of Oreo7735) _Pictures of you…pictures of me…on upon your wall, for the world to see… pictures of you…pictures of me…. remind us all of what we used to to me…every secret moment….every stolen promise you believe…

**Oreo7735- **OMG JACK! I LOVE YOU! _(Jumps on Jack and they roll off the screen) _

**Audience- **Awwwwww…

**Fangirl- **NOOOOOO!!!!! _(Breaks down completely) _

**Will- **Okay…

**Elizabeth- **That's so sweet…

**Davy- **NO! IT CAN'T BE TRUE!

**Oreo7735- **_(Stomps on screen; slaps Davy) _THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD WHERE EVERYTHING CAN GO MY WAY!! DO YOU HAVE ANY **–Censored—**IDEA HOW HORRIBLE MY LIFE IS? DON'T YOU **–Censored—**RUIN IT FOR ME!!!

**Audience- **_(Gasp) _

_Jack and Oreo disappear _

**Will- **This was a screwed up chapter…sorry folks.


	7. Of WalMart and IThings

**Hi! Sorry I haven't been updating! I have to study for Science...grrrr...Imagine if my science is reading this...creepy.**

**PLUS you peeps haven't been reviewing...**

**Down to business,**

**I don't own anything**

**Except an I-Dog Amp'd**

**Well, I got it for Christmas, does it mean I own it?**

**I don't own the company or the main brand.**

**(I'm so fly at bragging an conceling it, haha)**

**Anyways, I know, shut up and let us read**

**Enjoi

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**

**Jack- **I'm bored.

**Will- **You're always bored.

**Davy- **Let's go to WalMart!

_Pirates nod._

**Jack- **Best idea you've had all life, mate.

**Elizabeth- **Oh, that's nice.

**Jack- **Oh yeah, I just thought of a new Bething!

**Elizabeth- **What?

**Jack- **Yeah, it's called "ElizaBecking"

**Will- **What about TurnBeth?

**Norry- **Yes, or Davington?!

_Pirates stare at Norry._

**Norry- **_(red) _It's just a suggestion.

**Jack- **THE SIMPSONS ARE ON! SEE YOU LATER SUCKERS!!

_Jack runs away_

**Davy- **AFTER HIM!

_The pirates run to watch the Simpsons._

**Jack- **NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THEY'RE NOT ON!!!

**Elizabeth- **Stupid Tostitos super bowl.

**Davy- **Let's watch Eragon!!!

**Pirate- **YAY!

_Pirates sit down to watch Eragon_

_After 5 Minutes_

**Jack- **I have to go to the bathroom! Pause the movie! _(Pauses, cuz it's his week with the remote)_

_As soon as he leaves._

**Norry- **I swear on Elizabeth I didn't get drunk at Student Council last Friday!!

_Everyone (but Jack, who was busy reading Playboy in the bathroom) turned to look at Norry_

**Davy- **Uhh…

_Awkward silence_

_Jack comes back_

**Elizabeth-**I need to pee!

**Will- **I'll go with—

**Pirates- **EWWW!

**Will- **WE'RE MARRIED!

**Oreo7735- **Excuse me, this is a Rated K story..

**Elizabeth- **_(Out of bathroom) _WHO TOUCHED MY PLAYBOY??!!

**Jack- **WILLIAM! HOW COULD YOU!?

**Will- **I ONLY DID IT ONCE!

**Jack- **YOU HAVE ELIZABETH TO LOOK AT! BUT YOU GOT JEALOUS OF THE GIRLS OF PLAYBOY CUZ ELIZABETH DOESN'T HAVE _CURVES!! _

**Pirates- **_(Gasp) _

**Jack- **_(Breathing heavily) _BURN! WHAT NOW??

**Davy- **Burn?

**Jack- **It's what Oreo says.

**Will- **Oreo is too fly for you!

**Oreo7735- **Says you! YOU got stuck with Elizabitch!!  
**Pirates- **_(Snicker)_

**Davy- **Played.

**Elizabeth- (**_Comes out of bathroom) _Let's go to Wal Mart!

**Pirates- **YEAH!

**Jack- **I WANT AN I-DOG!

**Will- **I WANT AN I-CAT!

**Davy- **I WANT AN I-FISH!

**Norry- **I WANT AN I-CY!

**Elizabeth- **I WANT NEW PLAYBOY!

**Superman- **TO WALMART! AWAY!

**Jack- **W.T.F.?

_Superman flies away._

_Pirates catch the Pocono Taxi_

**Jack- **We could have walked..

**Will- **_(Whispers) _Davy's curse.

**Jack- **But it was lifted At World's End..?

**Will- **He died, it doesn't mean his curse is over.

**Jack- **Oh. _(Puts on headphones; sings) _I only think in the forms of crunching numbers..in hotel rooms, collecting patient lovers. Get me out of my mind, get you out of those clo-oh-othes, lala, to get you into the moo-oo-od.

**Will- **I'm bored.

**Davy- **I SEE WAL MART!

**Elizabeth- **_(To the other people on bus) _It's his first time!

_Pirates get off at the Wal Mart parking lot._

**Jack- **AWAY!

_Pirates run into Wal Mart!_

**Will- **LET'S HAVE A CART RACE!

**Pirates- **YEAH!

**Elizabeth- **I don't have time for this. _(Goes into the crowd to find Playboy)_

**Jack- **I'll get the tape!

_(Jack runs away)_

**Will- **I'll get the carts!  
_(Will runs after Jack) _

**Norry-** Hi Davy!

**Davy- **I'm engaged!

**Norry- **_(Raises eyebrows flirtingly) _

**Davy- **Uh, I need, er, a new um, sword. _(Flops away)_

**Norry- **Eh, I'll go look at wigs.

_Norry walks away, in hope of finding some wig powder._

**Norry- **_(looking around at the hair products) _OMG! IT'S A HAIR STRAIGHTNER!

_People stare at him and edge away._

**Norry- **_(Grabs hair straightner) _How much is it????

_The manager walks up to Norry_

**Mr. Manager- **Hello, do you need anything?

**Norry- **_(shoves straightner under managers nose) _HOW MUCH IS THIS?

**Mr. Manager- **_(Looks at tag) _$24.90, sir.

**Norry- **Well, actually it's Admiral.

**Mr. Manager- **Yeah…I have to go help, um, those people…_(Runs away) _

**Norry- **Why does everyone run away?

_Norry walks slowly to the cash register clutching his straightner. He stops by the chocolate area. _

**Norry- **Ooooh, that looks really good!

_He takes a Gertrude chocolate bar._

**Jack- **_(out of nowhere) _NORRINGTON! RUN!!

_Norry turns around and sees Jack running toward the exit, clutching an I-Dog Amp'd to his chest, where the manager Norry encountered running after him, brandishing a broom._

**Mr. Manager- **TAKE YOUR **–Censored—**I-DOG AND GET OUT!

_**Norry- **__Typical._

_Norry pays for his straightner and walks after Jack, who's already on outside feeding seagulls bread._

**Norry- **Where did you get that?

**Jack- **You don't want t know.

**Norry- **YOU'RE SO NASTY!

**Jack- **Look, here comes everyone else!

_Norry and Jack turn and see Will, carrying an I-Cat, Davy, an I-Fish, and Elizabeth, looking at the February issue of PlayBoy. _

**Norry- **YAY!

**Will- **_(Hugs I-Cat) _I'm going to call him Fluffy!

**Davy- **_(Hold I-Fish) _THIS IS DAVY JUNIOR!

**Jack- **_(Opens I-Dog) _I don't know what I'm going to name him yet!

**Elizabeth- **OMG! WE NEED TO GET TO VICTORIA'S SECRET!

**Will- **_(Ignoring her) _Here comes the Taxi!

_Pirates get on, looking at their purchases._

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** Please review ;)**

**I'll update more**


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